The beautiful delusion.

I read an  article  in The Huffington Post yesterday about this photo shoot of "real" women and what "real women" look like naked. In all honesty, the photos were Eeeh.  I wasn't really impressed either way and I thought compositionally they were boring.  These were volunteers, not models. They were regular ladies, not super glammed up. Whatever.

I thought the comments were the most interesting thing about the article and photos.  People were outraged that they were forced to look at these images of women who did not look like airbrushed Victoria's Secret models.  How dare they call these women "Real Women." Women who were smaller and more in shape than the models were outraged at the suggestion that these "obese" models were being called more "Real" than the size 2 commenter. Men were offended and expressed their distaste for the bigger girls and made it clear that they would not be interested in dating the models. (umm, I'm pretty sure the models are okay with that) Some people felt that "un-fit" is
"un-healthy" and therefore NOT attractive. Some people thought the photos were beautiful and natural. Most were not cool with it. Most were angry. Angry at the models for not being perfect.

Oy to the Vey, people!

Let's step back for a minute.   I have so many thoughts about this. The question isn't just what are we teaching our daughters about body image and self esteem, but also, what are we teaching our sons?  By bombarding them with a very narrow interpretation of what beauty is, are we sabotaging their expectation of what the average woman looks like? 
Everyone has their personal preference of what they find attractive in a partner, obviously. But what if that partner changes a bit? What if their body changes through the child bearing years? What if your partner decided to get tattooed? What if they begin to get crows feet and laugh lines? What if your partner needs a mastectomy or another surgery that left them with scars? Can we still think them beautiful? 
I don't think beauty means perfection. I don't think beauty should mean perfection. It's an impossible standard to live up to. 
I don't think beauty means option A or option B. Can't more than one thing be beautiful?
Also.... Can we stop thinking about our appearance SO SO MUCH and just live our lives? I think it's extremely important to be healthy, for sure, and I think that is an excellent thing to teach our children, to love yourself enough to take care of yourself. To eat foods that are healthy for your body. To exercise your body and keep it moving. I'm just not comfortable with the constant focus on the physical. Or the insinuation that your self worth should be in direct relation to how attractive the masses think you are.

beautiful.

 

 

Also beautiful. 

This is coming from a sort of vain girl. I would never leave the house without my hair and makeup done. I wouldn't think of going out in anything resembling sweatpants or pajama pants. I exercise and try to be strong and fit. That being said, I don't want to be weighed down (no pun intended) by worrying what other people are going to think of my appearance. I especially don't want people being angry at me for not being perfect. I don't want to be angry at myself for not being perfect.

What the hell, people??!!

We are so busy hating our bodies and our selves that we are teaching our daughters to do the same thing. Even if we tell them they are beautiful, they hear US tell ourselves we are SO NOT.  We are teaching our sons that women are never beautiful enough. Or worse yet, that it's a women's JOB or duty or whatever to strive for physical perfection.
 
I know this is an age old discussion, but what I get out of it is that I need to be kinder to myself so I can set a healthy standard for my children. If they have any chance at having a normal relationship with themselves or a partner, I have to set a good example for them. It somehow feels easier and more natural to love myself if I'm doing it for them. Crazy, huh??