Berry Oat Bars

This winter has been impossibly long and my kids are BONKERS. Max swallowed a quarter the other day  and I'm watching him like a hawk around the clock and Lula refuses to sleep because it's so much more fun to shriek and demand to speak to Dora in the middle of the night...All night. So I'm operating on very little sleep/massive amounts of frustration. Anyway, FOOD! Food is the best!

 We have a playdate today and I like to bake a treat for the little monkeys, but refined sugar is out of the question.  I mean...a girl can only handle so much crazy in her life, and I'm at capacity.

Berry Oat Bars

1 1/2 C oat flour ( I just grind up the organic oats in a Cuisinart)
1 1/2 C organic oats
1 C Brown sugar
 Cinnamon to taste
pinch of salt
1/2 tsp. Baking Soda
1/2 C Coconut Oil
1/4 C Apple Juice

Press 3/4 of the mixture into a 9x13 pan

Cover the top with frozen organic berries  ( I don't even thaw these bad boys)

Sprinkle the remaining oat mixture on top

Bake at  325 for 35 minutes. 

Woot!!!!  These are awesome and healthy and make the house smell AMAZING.

Freakin Out

We've been going through a stage in my house.  I don't want to name names....but a certain BOY is having some very big feelings as of late. Feelings and opinions he feels with every single fiber of his being.

My rational mind knows that this is completely age appropriate and normal. It would actually be concerning if he weren't forming his own (very strong) opinions and screaming them in a rage directly at my face. All day. I totally get this and I feel terrible for him. It's not fun to be upset, and he's clearly upset. Clearly. Upset.

 But that being said....patience is a finite resource and there are times that I lose my patience.   Sometimes (hypothetically speaking)  this happens in public (on the regular) and I can feel the judging eyes of other parents on me, burning holes in to the back of my head.  I want to turn on my heels and tell them to F*ck off, but I'm with my children and probably around a ton of other peoples kids and punching a stranger in the throat won't stop my kid from demonstrating the behavior that brought me to this place to begin with.

 So I  do what many parents do during a very epic public meltdown. I smile and apologize and sweat profusely through my clothes while trying to scurry my kids to a calmer and quieter place while they are screaming "NO!" to every. Single. Everything.  But oh wow, the looks. The looks and the shame and the tears that inevitably come though you're smiling because, what else is there to do? We find a place where we can just sit for a minute and hug, because chances are...that's what he needs.  A hug.  Then, when he's calm we solve his problem because "There is NO problem we can't solve if we work together"

A few nights ago Max worked very hard to organize his play kitchen. And all Lula wanted to do was play with everything he touched. It was sweet. She just wanted to be with and play with her brother.  I thought his head was going to explode because, " I WORKED SO HARD TO ORGANIZE AND CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!"  And he trashed and screamed.

 "Oh emm geee, little man.  I totally get it. It's how I feel every single day. I feel your pain."

She cried, "Maxy won't let goooooo!" And she, too thrashed and screamed an banged her head until there was only one pigtail remaining intact. The other one a casualty of her tantrum.  (RIP pigtail)

And he screamed, " Lula is ruining EVERYTHING!!!! YOU'RE GETTING ON MY BAD SIDE AND YOU WON'T LIKE ME ON MY BAD SIDE BECAUSE I'M TOUGHER AND AH;A;KHDJNCNUEWIUHKEJBA.B VNEKWUEROIQPERU..."

 And I screamed, "YOU'RE NOT SHARING AND YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED A HUG!!!"

 " I DOOOOOOOOOO!"  And so we hugged and I explained that Lula didn't care about the kitchen, she just wanted to play with him. Maybe if he played with something that he didn't care if she messed up, everyone would be happy.  And they did.  And we were. 

Stick a fork in me.  I'm done.

"This is the worst day ever" I  said out loud to no one in particular whit my heart heavy and my soul crushed.

And then they fell asleep.

Then you know what happened after that?

Today did. miraculous how that happens, huh?

Breather

It's been a full year since my last blog post.  365 days.  Kevin asked me why I stopped blogging and I had to stop to think about it. "I don't know. I don't have much to say, I guess."  And he laughed and laughed and laughed because...when do I EVER  have nothing to say??

 "I'm busy!!! Like,...raising our children, homeschooling, working and I don't know....LIVING OUR LIFE!!  I'm BUSY!"

He stared at me blankly with a slow blink and said very matter of factly...."Everyone is busy." 

I rolled my eyes but he was right. (shhhhh. don't tell him I said so) Everyone IS  busy. We are all very busy. Who cares? There is no trophy for being the most busy.

Why do we, as a culture, and especially moms, think there is extra value in being busy?  I have totally fallen into the busy illusion.  I feel very fortunate to be able to homeschool and work from home, but I worry that other people think that we are just bopping through our day with no real direction or schedule and it makes me feel like I have to justify our rhythm. As I type that, I realize how silly that is.  We, as a family, chose our rhythm. It was very deliberate.   It works for us. I'm very careful to not over schedule my kids. We have a routine, but it's balanced with downtime. And yet, when I'm trying to get them in the car I can't help but get completely frazzled and growl at them through clenched teeth, "PLEASE sit in your seat. " " BUCKLE UP please"  " We HAVE  to GO.  NOW! please" 

We have time for a pajama day. Or to lay on the floor and cuddle your baby.

 

 

And we can take a break from Legos to watch a cool video.

We can just BE for a minute.

 

 

But really...we can get to the library 15 minutes from now and it will be fine. And the museum can wait until we have crunched the snow under our boots for a second.  If we get home for lunch later than I thought...it's going to be ok. I can drive around the block so they can listen to that song they are giggling and dancing to.  Breathe. We're not actually that busy. We have time. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy those kids.

I've fallen out of sync with my life and I'm glad Kevin pointed it out.  Stop. Slow down. Be in the moment a little more. Don't rush them...They're just little. They need some time to take it all in. I need time to watch them take it all in. We need time to giggle together. I need to LISTEN. 
So that's what I'm going to do.  I'm going to bring it all back into focus and take a few minutes to do the things I had convinced myself I was too busy for.  I'm going to cut myself some slack...and my kids too. they deserve it, and you know what? So do I .

First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes